Long time, no blog.
There is a reason for this, and it something I think I am finally ready to share with people.
Having gone through a really rough patch during the summer (something which I hid from even the closest people to me), I thought that beginning second year at uni would change this and I would be able to go back to myself. This wasn’t exactly the case, and unbeknown to everyone bar the people closest to me I was really struggling. Having finally admitting to myself that there was a problem, I put my big girl panties on and braved going to the doctors all by myself (well without my mum- still took a very dear friend with me). It was then that I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. These are two words which I never wanted to have to associate with myself. Me? How could I be depressed? I had a good life. People that cared about me, people I cared for, studying (and partying) in the best city in the UK (an opinion favoured by more than just me). How could it be true? This was a question that bewildered me for months and was something that I was not willing to admit was true until a few weeks ago, when I shocked myself by realising that I was the happiest I had been for years. I was no longer fake laughing, had not a care in the world what others thought of me (something which for a long time was a big problem I had) and I finally began to feel like the real Holly. A Holly which after speaking with professionals I found out had not been present for an extreamly long time.
I am no where near being fully recovered but I am certainly making huge leaps in getting there. That is something I have a lot of fabulous people to thank for (you all know who you are)!!!!
With all this going on I have still made sure that I made the most of second year so far, and would not change one bit of it for the world. I have never laughed and had as much fun in my whole life than I have in the last 10 weeks, and I cannot stop smiling when I think of all the memories I have began to create with a ‘me’ that I am finally happy with.
Mental health is a topic many people find it hard to talk about, a feeling of judgement is cast before the words even leave your mouth. At least that’s what I thought. How wrong I was. The people around me who have been incredible in helping me to rebuild the new me are an amazing group of people and ones who deserve the moon and stars. I was worried some of my friends wouldn’t know how to act around me, that it would change the dynamic that we had but it only made our friendships stronger and that is something I will be eternally grateful for. Anyone reading this who is going through similar and is finding things difficult, I would like to say that although things may seem tough, they get better. A hell of a lot better. Just have faith, don’t push people out and believe in yourself!
H. X
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